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Narcissistic Abusers: Signs, Why And How They Play Love Game



To Narcissistic Abusers, the relationship is seen as a transaction, buying and selling.  The goal is to get what they want at the lowest price.  It is a self-centered business mindset. It is important to understand the Narcissistic Abusers's intentions, why and how they play this love game.

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Table of Contents
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    I- Why and How the Narcissistic Abusers play love game?

    1- Narcissistic Abusers's intentions

    2- Signs of Narcissistic Abusers's love game 

    3- Some examples of Narcissistic Abusers's Love game

    4- Narcissistic Abusers's Love game and real love

    5- What must do to deal with Narcissistic Abusers's Love game?

    II- Signs That You're A Victim Of Narcissistic Abusers

    1- You perceive dissociation as a survival mechanism

    2- You build a safe shell

    3. You put aside all of your basic needs, sacrificing your emotional or even physical safety just to please your Narcissistic Abusers

    4. You struggle between health problems and body dysmorphic disorder, indicating that your mentality is falling into disordered state

    5. You feel like you can't trust anyone anymore

    6. You think about suicide and destroy yourself

    7. You isolate yourself

    8. You compare yourself to others, blaming yourself for being abused

    9. You destroy yourself

    10. You do not dare to do what you like and do not dare to achieve success

    11. You insist on defending your Narcissistic Abusers, even turning to self-doubt

To Narcissistic Abusers, the relationship is seen as a transaction, buying and selling.  The goal is to get what they want at the lowest price.  It is a self-centered business mindset. It is important to understand the Narcissistic Abusers's intentions, why and how they play this love game.

Narcissistic Abusers: Signs, Why and How they play love game?

To Narcissistic Abusers, the relationship is seen as a transaction, buying and selling.  The goal is to get what they want at the lowest price.  It is a self-centered business mindset.  In relationships, Narcissistic Abusers focus on their goals.  For Narcissistic men, it's usually sex or having a pretty girl around.  Narcissistic woman may seek material gifts, sex, service, and/or an extravagant flirtation.

I- Why and How the Narcissistic Abusers play love game?

1- Narcissistic Abusers's intentions

It is important to understand the Narcissistic Abusers's intentions.  They see relationships as a means to get what they want, regardless of how other people feel.  Their only concern is what they can get out of the relationship.  

The relationship is being used to stroke their ego and give them things they value, such as status, power, positive attention, self-esteem, and sex.  You must have something to give in order to receive it in return.  They're just motivated by that, and aren't interested in you as a human being or doing anything for you that doesn't get some benefit.  The single, dedicated commitment, care, and intimacy most of us seek in relationships is seen as a downside to Narcissistic Abusers, who likes to keep all options open.  Sex and intimacy are often not linked.  A relationship with Narcissistic Abusers will never develop into a Brother-Sister relationship or even a relationship based on love.

2- Signs of Narcissistic Abusers's love game 

Research shows that Narcissistic Abusers's type of love is Ludus love, and their goal is to enjoy pleasure without commitment.  They are playing a game and winning is the goal.  This strikes the perfect balance to satisfy their needs from many people, without much of a burden on them needing to be intimate or having to meet other needs of their (many) lovers.  (It should be noted that this study was conducted with college students; those who were able to overcome these trends were more mature.)

Types of love:

Plato describes seven types of love: Eros is passionate, romantic and physical love;  Philautia is self-love, which includes healthy self-esteem, and healthy arrogance;  Ludus is affectionate, joyful and uncommitted love;  Pragma is pragmatic love, focused on long-term compatibility and shared goals.  Philia's love is friendship;  Storge is a familial and parental affection, based on familiarity and dependence;  Agape is deeply spiritual and unconditional love, including selflessness and love for strangers, for nature, and for God.

3- Some examples of Narcissistic Abusers's Love game

- Difficulty approaching or ghosting (disappearing, contact ceased without explanation)

- The game is warm and cold;  for example: pursuing and then acting distant, such as being slow to respond to texts or phone calls, or just sending curt, indifferent messages

- Make promises they can't or don't keep

- Lies or can't be trusted and it's hard to pinpoint the reason

- Very charming and progressed very quickly when we first met

- Refusing to discuss the relationship

- Flirting in front of you

- Hide you from family and friends

- Expect you to read minds (women do this more)

- Withdrawing affection or sex

- Blame you and play as the victim

- Do not call or text first

4- Narcissistic Abusers's Love game and real love

Good social skills allow them to make a good first impression.  They are attractive, charming, and energetic, and research reveals that they possess emotional intelligence that helps them recognize, express, understand, and manage their emotions.  

In fact, one study found that most people like Narcissistic Abusers when they first meet them.  It is only after 7 meetings that they begin to realize the bad side of the Narcissistic Abusers and change their perspective.  Many Narcissistic Abusers are adept at seducing and pleasing people.  No one considers them boring!

Narcissistic Abusers: Signs, Why and How they play love game

Narcissistic Abusers: Signs, Why and How they play love game / ph: pexels 


You are easily seduced by generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment.  This is how 
Narcissistic Abusers manipulates you to achieve their goals.  They brag about themselves to gain admiration, love, and satisfaction.  Codependents with low self-esteem are easy targets.  You can also fall into the trap of idealizing them, sacrificing your own needs, and gradually endure their increasingly Narcissistic Abuse and selfish behavior.

Narcissistic Abusers can be a persuasive lover.  Some play the love-bombing game by pouring out their love for you with material gifts, sweet words, and cuddles.  Although some remain single, the Narcissistic Abusers often marries and develops a love of Storge or Pragma.  But that doesn't stop them from finding the thrill of constantly playing with new erotic conquests.  They may not intentionally lie when confronted, but they are masters of deception.  For example, Narcissistic Abusers may tell you that you are his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, but then you find out he/she has another girlfriend/boyfriend, and he/she will deny that he/she will deny that he/she lied.  He/she said he would have to work late at the office, but ignored the fact that he/she had a romantic dinner with his/her mistress.  The Narcissistic Abusers also has more nefarious and dangerous psychopathic traits.  They have the ability to gaslighting (a form of psychological or emotional abuse in which the Narcissistic Abusers uses distorted, untruthful information to make the victim initially anxious and confusion that leads to doubting our thoughts, values, memory, judgment and a gradual loss of sense of reality), exploitation and criminal behavior.

The Narcissistic Abusers value power over intimacy.  They hate vulnerability, which they see as weakness.  To maintain control, they avoid intimacy and prefer to dominate and appear superior to others.  Thus, playing the game strikes the perfect balance of both satisfying their needs and leaving the options open to flirt or date multiple partners.

When they lose interest and decide the game is over it can be devastating for their lover.  He/She can't understand what happened and still loves him/her.  Breaking up is especially difficult during the passionate love period, when the passion is still very strong.  Being dumped after being 'love-bombed' can shock your partner.  They feel bewildered, disappointed, and betrayed.  If the relationship continues, they will eventually see through the Narcissistic Abusers's alluring mantle.

Narcissistic Abusers may develop positive feelings towards their partner, but without deep love they lack the motivation to maintain their facade and romance.  It's time to start the debugging process.  They can become cold, critical, and angry, especially when things don't go their way.  In the end, they have to find nourishment for their narcissism elsewhere.

5- What must do to deal with Narcissistic Abusers's Love game?

You can take the following steps to protect yourself from becoming victim to the Narcissistic Abusers's game and change the dynamics of the relationship.  If there is still no improvement then have the courage to give up, but being abandoned is equally painful.

- Knowledge is power


It's not just about 
Narcissistic Abuse, but learn about your date before you start daydreaming about a future of romance and giving your heart.  Pay attention to words and actions from time to time, not just flattery and sweet love.  If you have any doubts, let’s trust your intuition.

- Stay away from dates that don't respond, seem too busy, don't have time, or lack interest in you.

- Let's talk about spacing behavior.  Share your feelings and find out what's going on.  You may discover the person you're dating is seeing someone else, just wants to "have fun," or doesn't want to commit.

- Control and confront bad behavior, such as unreliability, criticism and rudeness.  This requires the ability to trust your feelings, be assertive, and set boundaries.  Confrontation is not an ultimatum.  Instead, learn to do this strategically.

- Stop ready 24/7


If you're a man, restrain yourself and don't call or text multiple times a day when you're just getting to know each other.  If you're a woman don't chase men!  Stop calling or texting him first.  If he disappears you can deal with it, but in short, his behavior speaks many things. Let's skip and move on.  Remember, there are many other fishes in the sea, and this is a poisonous fish!

II- Signs That You're A Victim Of Narcissistic Abusers

The main features of Narcissistic personality disorder are tendencies to delusion through thought or action, a need to be admired by others, and an inability to empathize with others.  

These people often exaggerate their importance to others.  They believe that they have special, unique skills that only people with high positions in society can understand.  They themselves only care and pay attention to their abilities and what they achieve.  

Because they consider themselves important and unique, they are unable to empathize and understand the feelings of others, and are often seen as arrogant people.  They use the success of others as a springboard for themselves.

Your whole life is bent and distorted.  You are violated, manipulated, deceived, mocked mercilessly, you are forced to bow down and forced to believe that it is all your imagination.  The person you thought you understood and the life you both built together suddenly fell apart.

 

Your personal consciousness is eroded and gradually diminished.  That person tries to fit you into a mold, then wipes away all your values and pushes you off the edge.  Maybe you've even been replaced and thrown away many times, and then come back to someone who only knows how to madly abuse you, the next time is even more painful than the first.  You even get stalked, harassed, and bullied incessantly, and you don't dare to leave.

This is not the aftermath of a normal breakup, not something that usually happens in a relationship.  These are the pre-arranged steps for an insidious and insidious killing plan for your psychology  and safety consciousness.  The consequences may not be scars on the skin, but scars on the soul, broken memories and inner torn wounds.

All are signs of Narcissistic Abuse Psychological violence from these people includes both emotional and verbal violence, infusing you with negative energies, stoning, vandalizing and defaming, indirectly manipulating and coercing you in various ways.  

These Narcissistic Abusers lack empathy, they only focus on their own interests, love themselves too much and want to abuse others to serve their own interests.

 

As a result of being given Narcissistic Abuse for so long, victims may struggle with symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder;  post-traumatic stress syndrome complicated if further given Narcissistic Abuse by narcissistic parents;  or even become a victim of Narcissistic Abuse syndrome.

Its consequences are depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, feelings of self-humiliation, flashbacks of past abuse, and feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.

 

When we are surrounded by Narcissistic Abusers, it is difficult to determine if we are being abused, because these people are very good at turning around and skillfully turning the situation at hand to their advantage for them, pretending it's a kind of love that's too intense and makes us think we're the one causing them pain.  If you find yourself in the eleven categories below and you are or have been in a bad relationship with someone who cheated and disrespected you, then maybe you have been terrorized by a guy who specializes in hunting emotions.

 

1- You perceive dissociation as a survival mechanism

You feel emotionless, you feel disconnected from your habitat;  

Memory, perception, and sense of self are disrupted and fragmented.  

This dissociation leads to emotional paralysis when faced with terrible circumstances.  Mind-numbing activities, obsessions, drugs, and self-suppression become close friends, because they give you an escape from reality.  Your brain will find ways to block painful emotions, so that you don't have to face terrible circumstances.

 

The painful parts of you are awakened, they are hidden by dissociating from the conscious awareness that you use to face those around you and your Narcissistic Abusers These painful emotions can be bad childhood memories, feelings of anger and disgust that you really feel when you are dealing with your Narcissistic Abusers, or or inner feelings that you cannot express in front of them.

2- You build a safe shell

A common symptom is avoidance of things that remind you of the trauma – people, places, or activities that might threaten you.  Regardless of whether it is friends, relatives, teammates, colleagues or superiors, you yourself will often carefully consider your words when around them, fearing that you will receive anger, punishment and jealousy from them.

 

However, you will eventually find that this does not work, your feelings will still be the object of Narcissistic Abusers to pull out as sandbags, whenever they want. You don’t dare to make that person anger, start avoiding facing them by all means and trying to build a wall of defense.  When you come into contact with someone outside of the Narcissistic Abuse relationship, the frequency with which you try to please them increases;  you lose self-control or assertiveness in your life, especially in the face of people especially in front of people who look like or are close people or related to Narcissistic Abusers and Narcissistic Abuse behaviors.

 

3. You put aside all of your basic needs, sacrificing your emotional or even physical safety just to please your Narcissistic Abusers

Previously you were a person full of living, with goals and dreams.  And now, you feel your life is just serving the needs of others.  In the past, the Narcissistic Abusers who abused you saw you as the center of his life, but now your life is being used to worship him.

You had to leave your own goals, interests, friends, and security behind, just for the other person to feel satisfied in your relationship.  But you'll soon realize that no matter what you try, you can't satisfy that person.

 

4. You struggle between health problems and body dysmorphic disorder, indicating that your mentality is falling into disordered state

You gain or lose weight dizzyingly fast, suffer from serious health problems that have never happened before, and begin to see signs of premature aging.  The stress that comes from being abused for a long time causes the amount of the hormone cortisol - the hormone used to fight stress - to increase excessively, severely affecting your immune system, increasing the likelihood of physical diseases.  substances and other diseases.

You become difficult to sleep, have nightmares, and the trauma is brought back through visual and sensory flashbacks, bringing your mind back to the original pain. 

5. You feel like you can't trust anyone anymore

You feel everyone is becoming a threat, you fear any intentions of others, especially those you once believed in.  Normal prudence gradually turns into a disease of hypervigilance.  Once your Narcissistic Abusers have tried to make you believe that all this pain you experience is an illusion, you can hardly trust anyone, including yourself.

 

6. You think about suicide and destroy yourself

Along with depression and anxiety is a growing sense of hopelessness.  You can't stand reality anymore, you can't escape it even if you want to.  You gradually feel helpless and no longer want to live, even using self-destruction as a way to cope with this pain.  

According to Dr. McKeon (2014) - Minister of Suicide Prevention at SAMHA (Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services Administration), victims of love violence have a tendency to commit suicide many times higher than others.  This is how Narcissistic Abusers kill people without leaving a trace.

7. You isolate yourself

Many Narcissistic Abusers isolate their victims, but the victims themselves isolate themselves out of shame for having been abused.  Because society still has misconceptions about mental and psychological violence and the tendency to blame the victim, the victim can even be attacked by law enforcement agencies, family, friends, and those on the side of Narcissistic Abusers, who is able to cover up his or her Narcissistic Abuse behavior.  

Victims are always afraid that no one will understand and believe what they say, so instead of seeking help, they decide to commit suicide, giving up as a way to avoid judgment and retaliation from their Narcissistic Abusers.

8. You compare yourself to others, blaming yourself for being abused

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Narcissistic Abusers are always very good at using love as an indirect factor or drawing a third party into the relationship to terrorize the victim.  As a result, victims internalize the fear that they themselves are not good enough, and then they compete to be worthy of Narcissistic Abusers's attention and approval.

 

Victims will also compare themselves to people in other happy and healthy relationships, wondering why Narcissistic Abusers respect strangers more than them? This leaves them in the trap of wondering, “why me?”  and stuck in the abyss called "self-blame".  While it is true that Narcissistic Abusers are to blame – no one deserves to suffer Narcissistic Abuse behaviours. 

9. You destroy yourself

Victims are often obsessed with their Narcissistic Abusers and often hear his or her voice echo in their heads, amplifying negative thoughts and tending to self-destructiveness.  Cruel Narcissistic Abusershave "programmed" their victims to self-destruct, even pushing them to commit suicide at times.

 

Due to the way Narcissistic Abusers have argued and defended, the verbal abuse, and the harshness the victim has to endure, they are more inclined to punish themselves, because they are now carrying within themselves too much humiliation.  They destroy their goals, dreams, and even their jobs.  Narcissistic Abusers intoxicate them with feelings of worthlessness, making them believe they don't deserve the finer things in life.

10. You do not dare to do what you like and do not dare to achieve success

There are many sick people who are very jealous of their victims, so Narcissistic Abusers punish them for success. This causes victims to view their interests, talents, and successes with a ruthless eye.  Victims fear opportunities for success, because they know their success comes with revenge and reprimand.

 

Victims gradually fall into depression, anxiety, lack of self-confidence and shrink away from the spotlight, letting Narcissistic Abusers again and again steal their opportunities.  The Narcissistic Abusers will never pass up that opportunity, because they always think you are inferior;  because those opportunities are what threaten their control over the victim.

 

11. You insist on defending your Narcissistic Abusers, even turning to self-doubt

Rationalization, reducing abuse is a survival mechanism often used by victims in an Narcissistic Abuse relationship.  

In order to "hypnotize" themselves that the person who is saying he/she loves them is not meant to be Narcissistic Abuse, the victim convinces themselves that the Narcissistic Abusers are not actually a bad person, or that they have done something themselves wrong to be abused.

 

You need to break this “hypnosis” by clearly recognizing the personality of the Narcissistic Abusersand the ways that he or she abuses you.  Only then can you regain a sense of your reality and of the Narcissistic Abusers's wrongdoing, that that Narcissistic Abuse is the real face, and it's not a pretty face.

 

Bear in mind that there is often a very strong traumatic bond between the victim and the Narcissistic Abusers, because the victim is “trained” to depend on the Narcissistic Abusers for survival.

Victims may defend their Narcissistic Abusers from the law, paint a happy image of the two of them on social media, or try to overcompensate by empathizing with the Narcissistic Abusers.

If you are currently being abused in your own relationship, remember that you are not alone, even if you feel alone.  There are millions of people in the world who have been in your position, had the same experience as you and have escaped it.  This form of psychological torture does not discriminate against its victims by gender, religion, social class or region.  The first step is to be aware of your situation and acknowledge it, even if your Narcissistic Abusers is trying to get you to believe otherwise.

If you can, write down what you've been through to come to terms with the reality of the Narcissistic Abuse Talk to a trusted mental health professional, domestic violence advocate, your family and friends, or others who have been in the same situation.  

Start healing yourself through mindfulness meditation and therapeutic yoga, both of which target the same part of the brain that is constantly suffering. 

Seek help if you are struggling with Narcissistic Abuse symptoms, especially with suicidal thoughts.  

Consult with qualified counselors who can understand and guide you through the healing process.  

Make a plan to protect yourself if you suspect abuse.

Getting out of an Narcissistic Abuse relationship isn't easy, because of the trauma and the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that follow each time of Narcissistic Abuse, and because the strong traumatic bond that can grow more and more. 

However, in reality, you should understand that you can get out and start a new life without ever seeing them again, or limit your encounters in the event that your Narcissistic Abusers is your parent.  

Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse can be challenging, but well worth the effort, for the sake of freedom and for the pieces that need to be put back together.

Narcissistic Abusers: Signs, Why And How They Play Love Game

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